Tell tell signs that she has absolutely no interest in you..
Just not sure if she's interested in being more than friends? She's the girl of your dreams, she's into all the same things you are, you like hanging out, she's hot, and best of all you think she might be interested in you.
For starters, depending how long the two of you have been hanging out, she probably already has some inclination as to whether or not you're interested in her. Unless the two of you have been hanging out, and she thinks you only see her as a friend, she probably already has some clue.
One sign is that she always throws the friend card on you. Don't mistake words like, "you're such a great friend, or "I don't know what I'd do without you" for "God, I'm so into you when will you get it already?" These words mean just that, you're my guy friend and I have no interest in dating you.
Sure, in some cases the girl will wake up and realize nice + friends + dependable + honest +always there for me-- why not date _____ (fill your name in here.) However, my bet is that she will forever have you pegged in her friend category. And in most cases, guys and girls a like, you do not mix the two. Friends in category A, Dating/relationships in Category B-- you get it?If you're really into this girl, and she's giving you weird signs, ask her. My motto to everything is simply that, "when in doubt, ask." I'm pretty sure it won't ruin the friendship forever, she may be taken back by it, but I doubt she will run to the hills screaming in horror. If she is a girl with any class, she will be flattered, tell you how she feels, and act like the conversation never happened.
Next is, have you tried to kiss her? If so, did she kiss you back? My guess is if she turned her head or gave you a cheek, she isn't into you. I can tell you this much, in my experiences, if the situation isn't too soon, she'll kiss you if she's into you. Also, is she sleeping with you? You best believe this as well-- if you have known her for a while, and she's not sleeping with you, buddy she ain't into you. YES some woman are floozies, and will sleep with anyone, but there are a few out there, who have morals, standards, and expectations. (see previous post on promiscuous women) She probably trusts you enough by this point and realizes your an A rated guy. "If she's not sleeping with you, she's just not that into you" --end of story.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
How to be an instant man repellent
Rest assured these habits will have him running faaast!
Ever wonder if you have any habits that will send a man running faster than Usan Bolt? Well every guy is different, but I've been friends with enough guys to tell you the following will have him running at lightening speeds...
First off, drop your story. Do not be a man basher. He doesn't want to hear about what a looser your ex was, or how all men are dogs-- he is a man remember. A date is not Mr. Roger's story-telling time to bash every man who has done you wrong. If you want to talk about your crappy ex's then seek your girlfriends for ventilation.
Another bad habit is constantly calling to see where he is, what he's doing, or how he's doing. --Believe me he's fine. I know women have the tendency to call or text a lot, it's in our nature. I know I do, heck I'll text my friends to describe a wacky outfit someone is wearing, because I feel like they should know. Note to self: don't do this with him--at least the calling and checking on him part. Guys are programmed differently than us in case you have figured that out yet.
Next, do not bash yourself. Look, if he didn't find you appealing he wouldn't be dating you, taking you to dinner, or asking you out. Do not talk about your flaws to him it's an instant repellent. More than likely he thinks your a beautiful person inside and out if he's with you. Women have a tendency to be their own worst critic, drop this habit with him and forever!
And then there is the squirmish subject of talking about your future together. Now, if you have been dating the guy for a notable amount of time, it's fine to ask, you need to know (notable: as in years). It's also okay to ask a guy your status (if it's unclear). But long term future plans, such as: Christmas dinner when it's only April, will send a man running faster than you can say marriage. I like the quote, "If you want guarantees in love, then you don't want love." Relax, take your time, have fun with each other, enjoy the company, time will tell what the future holds.
Finally, not listening to him will leave him sprinting as well. When I say listening, I mean truly taking interest in his thoughts, opinions, likes/dislikes. I can grant you this, if you don't appear interested in him, he sure as hell will no longer be interested in you. Hey, we want our men to truly listen to us, we should listen to them too. Don't be a self absorbed chick, if this is the case, then honey you don't need a man, you need a mirror.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Weeding out the Garden (aka picking the players from the nice guys)
Players (the other species of man)
In my previous post, I mentioned something called a "Dating Garden". In this garden, you need to sort the roses from the weeds/leaves (players and dirtbags). Here it goes..
In my experiences, with guys, many of them are players. Some of them you will notice right off the bat, others will be a little more clever about it. Here are some signs on how to spot this species of man. (notice I said species, bc in my book, this guy is of a totally different class)
First things first. Where did you meet the guy? Because my guess is if you met him in a bar, his player status is a little questionable. Lots of times guys travel with a few friends to bars, thats normal. However, if they aren't watching the game, catching up with old friends from out of town, or having a drink with co-workers to wind down after work/class, girl, you best believe he's at that bar "chasing-ass." You and I both know it, we just want to think that Mr. Swagger was soley put in that bar for us. This is where you're wrong.
Secondly, how does he approach you? Is he shy, is he outspoken? Now I realize that some guys are more talkative than others, however, if he comes on too suave or too strong, watch out. Nice guys want come on like Joe Cool or ask for your number instantly.
Okay, say you didn't meet the guy in a bar, and you're about to go out with him, or have been dating for a brief period --then listen carefully. How romantic he is? I'm a Pisces (aka, the most romantic sign in the zodiac) yet, even I think some things are a touch over board. Girl, if you find that he is more romantic than cupid on steriods, then his player status is suspect. As women we all want our guys to have a little romance running through their veins, but in the beginning Mr. Player will be so gushy, you'll think everyday is Valentine's. (Notice how I said in the beginning, because these guys don't stick around that long.)
Next, he has way too many friends of the opposite sex. The player likes attention, and a lot of it. These "friends" are usually people with whom the player has played but who haven't had the brains to get rid of him or her. (BC he's still probably playing them too) There's nothing wrong with having friends of both sexes, but when a man or a woman has only friends of the opposite sex, it's very odd. You'll notice this off the bat too, his phone will ring constantly, and most likely he'll send the person straight to voicemail. Why? --well, it was probably Jane, Rita, Susan, Kate, or one of his many other women (poor gals).
How does the guy feel about his past relationships? Does he 1- seem cold or uncaring? Most people with a conscience feel bad about hurting someone's feelings. The player on the other hand, has no shame. Of course, the player will profess that he hates hurting others feelings, but his actions will be completely the opposite.
Are you familiar with the song whose lyrics go, "you're hot and you're cold, yes then you're no?" Well, Mr. Player's actions will be just this. One minute he'll tell you you're sooo amazing and you are the perfect girl, the next, he'll disappear for a while, or suggest the two of you should start seeing other people. They want you to be there for them, but they want their freedom, too. And any man who wants to truly be with you, I guarantee you will know it, no questions asked.
On that note, the player will be extremely vague when he starts to "play". He may even lie about what he's doing all together. Note: A player is not an honest person. In fact, lying is almost second nature to them. A good player might have the brains to write everything down and remember all the little lies he has told you. However, a bad one will just forget what he told you the night before they had to go visit a with his high school buddy and when you ask about the friend they tell you that he or she is on vacation.
Lastly, a little note about players. Usually a player becomes a player because of pure insecurity. Are they happy with their life? Are they happy with themselves and the person they are? Have they gotten over their past long-term relationship? If someone is over the age of 30 and has never had a long term relationship, that's a huge red flag. They don't want one. They are happy being single, they have no sympathy for anyones feelings but their own, and they will always be content because they can play the field. Also don't think that players are just men, because they can be women too. These women are just as bad as the male player.
In my previous post, I mentioned something called a "Dating Garden". In this garden, you need to sort the roses from the weeds/leaves (players and dirtbags). Here it goes..
In my experiences, with guys, many of them are players. Some of them you will notice right off the bat, others will be a little more clever about it. Here are some signs on how to spot this species of man. (notice I said species, bc in my book, this guy is of a totally different class)
First things first. Where did you meet the guy? Because my guess is if you met him in a bar, his player status is a little questionable. Lots of times guys travel with a few friends to bars, thats normal. However, if they aren't watching the game, catching up with old friends from out of town, or having a drink with co-workers to wind down after work/class, girl, you best believe he's at that bar "chasing-ass." You and I both know it, we just want to think that Mr. Swagger was soley put in that bar for us. This is where you're wrong.
Secondly, how does he approach you? Is he shy, is he outspoken? Now I realize that some guys are more talkative than others, however, if he comes on too suave or too strong, watch out. Nice guys want come on like Joe Cool or ask for your number instantly.
Okay, say you didn't meet the guy in a bar, and you're about to go out with him, or have been dating for a brief period --then listen carefully. How romantic he is? I'm a Pisces (aka, the most romantic sign in the zodiac) yet, even I think some things are a touch over board. Girl, if you find that he is more romantic than cupid on steriods, then his player status is suspect. As women we all want our guys to have a little romance running through their veins, but in the beginning Mr. Player will be so gushy, you'll think everyday is Valentine's. (Notice how I said in the beginning, because these guys don't stick around that long.)
Next, he has way too many friends of the opposite sex. The player likes attention, and a lot of it. These "friends" are usually people with whom the player has played but who haven't had the brains to get rid of him or her. (BC he's still probably playing them too) There's nothing wrong with having friends of both sexes, but when a man or a woman has only friends of the opposite sex, it's very odd. You'll notice this off the bat too, his phone will ring constantly, and most likely he'll send the person straight to voicemail. Why? --well, it was probably Jane, Rita, Susan, Kate, or one of his many other women (poor gals).
How does the guy feel about his past relationships? Does he 1- seem cold or uncaring? Most people with a conscience feel bad about hurting someone's feelings. The player on the other hand, has no shame. Of course, the player will profess that he hates hurting others feelings, but his actions will be completely the opposite.
Are you familiar with the song whose lyrics go, "you're hot and you're cold, yes then you're no?" Well, Mr. Player's actions will be just this. One minute he'll tell you you're sooo amazing and you are the perfect girl, the next, he'll disappear for a while, or suggest the two of you should start seeing other people. They want you to be there for them, but they want their freedom, too. And any man who wants to truly be with you, I guarantee you will know it, no questions asked.
On that note, the player will be extremely vague when he starts to "play". He may even lie about what he's doing all together. Note: A player is not an honest person. In fact, lying is almost second nature to them. A good player might have the brains to write everything down and remember all the little lies he has told you. However, a bad one will just forget what he told you the night before they had to go visit a with his high school buddy and when you ask about the friend they tell you that he or she is on vacation.
Lastly, a little note about players. Usually a player becomes a player because of pure insecurity. Are they happy with their life? Are they happy with themselves and the person they are? Have they gotten over their past long-term relationship? If someone is over the age of 30 and has never had a long term relationship, that's a huge red flag. They don't want one. They are happy being single, they have no sympathy for anyones feelings but their own, and they will always be content because they can play the field. Also don't think that players are just men, because they can be women too. These women are just as bad as the male player.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
So your heart was broken, now what?
Before you jump back into the game, make a "dating garden"
Let's face it, after a heart break, it's not so easy to jump back into the game. Of course, a rebound is one thing, but a truly meaningful relationship with someone new takes time.
This time around you need to protect yourself, protect your heart, but don't guard yourself so much to where you miss out on great opportunities. No one said it would be easy to jump back into the game. Sure, there will be cases where you compare every guy you date to your ex. You'll think you are a big girl, then hear songs that remind you of him and burst into an April shower of tears. It's okay, but remember one thing: You are a beautiful person inside and out, he's the sorry sap who left you. He my dear deserves no longer to be racing around in that pretty little head of yours - forget him.
Unless he's calling or emailing you everyday begging for you back - forget him. If he's not contacting your friends or family members in order to proclaim what a worthless crock of you know what he was - forget him. And if he's not showing up on your door step with a bouquet of flowers singing a little love song and throwing pebbles at your window - girl, forget him. And I can guarantee he's not going to be doing any of these things.
Sure, one day this poor sap may wake up and realize how much he misses you, but no longer will you be missing him. Remember, he broke up with you. I like the quote, "Don't be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You're deeply miss able. However, he's still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he's choosing, every day, not to be with you."
As far as getting back into the dating game, be careful. Date guys you never thought you would date before. In other words, date guys who aren't neccessiarly your "type" because your type at one time was your ex --and look how that turned out. Sure, date guys who were like your ex and his good ways, but scratch them off, if they remotely resemble his bad habits. Because remember their is a reason he's called the ex. (X)
Take things slowly, weed out the players from the truly genuine guys. Believe me, it's not terribly hard to decipher. Pretend you are in a dating garden. Pick the nice guys first, just as you would the tulips in your garden. As far as the dirt bags and players go, hack them up like you would weeds or leaves that disrupt your beautiful garden. Simply rake them up or pull them out and dispose of them! Once you have seen one player, you've seen them all. Get your girlfriends opinions of these guys, they won't steer you wrong. I'm sure they probably tried to tell you about your jerky ex (X), you just didn't listen!!
When your a single gal, you'll start to notice all types of guys, that you never knew existed when you were "taken." Heck, being single can be a fun experience, after all you get to sit back and laugh at all the jerks who attempt to pick you up. Little do they know, you have one up on them, you've got there number all figured out, right? Just remember to make your dating garden, and watch out for the roses with the thorns!
There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.
Playing the waiting game can be as frustrating as hell, believe me, I know. I'm a very inpatient person. I've learned to deal, however, no longer do I panic at the sight of traffic, long lines, or finding the perfect guy for that matter.
Remember the old saying, "Good things come to those who wait?" However, waiting doesn't mean waiting it out with a dead end relationship nor does it mean dating guy after guy in hopes that somewhere the "grass is greener." If you are hanging on to a relationship for the shear fact of being in a relationship, you are wrong. You can not teach an old dog new tricks, I repeat you can not teach an old dog new tricks. Get it? - Good, make this a rule to live by.
Also don't get back together with a guy/girl that can't treat you the way you deserve to be treated. "There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend." ..as long as you can wait it out. :)
Remember the old saying, "Good things come to those who wait?" However, waiting doesn't mean waiting it out with a dead end relationship nor does it mean dating guy after guy in hopes that somewhere the "grass is greener." If you are hanging on to a relationship for the shear fact of being in a relationship, you are wrong. You can not teach an old dog new tricks, I repeat you can not teach an old dog new tricks. Get it? - Good, make this a rule to live by.
Also don't get back together with a guy/girl that can't treat you the way you deserve to be treated. "There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend." ..as long as you can wait it out. :)
Monday, February 2, 2009
The Hell with Rules!!
If you live by any rules then make sure you know this one: "The golden rule is there are no golden rules." Rules, rules, rules, they will make you crazy! Rules don't work, never have, especially in relationships. Remember those rules your mother, older sister, or even grandmother told you? Go ahead and burn them too like you did your "perfect man" checklist. Here are a few for starters: never call a man, never make the first move, don't have sex on the first date, and don't invite a man up to your place.
If you however call I guy after the first date out of desperation, I guarantee he will know this, and be turned off or if you are a control freak who immediately as to know if he is interested in you, then no, you shouldn't call him first. However, if you are calling because you had a truly enjoyable time, and want to tell him so, then go ahead.
Another topic you can't put rules or guidelines on is: sex on the first date. If you are having sex when you are clear and centered on the first date, it can be okay. However, if you are drunk, or having sex ass a manipulation tool and not for a fun exlierating experience, then don't. Men are not stupid they know what you're doing. When it doubt, wait.
Don't get me wrong however, there are times when these rules absolutley do not work. It all depends on how grounded and centered you are. You can break every rule in the book as long as you aren't doing it for all the wrong reasons. In my opinon, you don't need rules, you need truth. Just be honest with who you are, and secure enough to make self expression. Be true to yourself and your partner and you will not need rules!
If you however call I guy after the first date out of desperation, I guarantee he will know this, and be turned off or if you are a control freak who immediately as to know if he is interested in you, then no, you shouldn't call him first. However, if you are calling because you had a truly enjoyable time, and want to tell him so, then go ahead.
Another topic you can't put rules or guidelines on is: sex on the first date. If you are having sex when you are clear and centered on the first date, it can be okay. However, if you are drunk, or having sex ass a manipulation tool and not for a fun exlierating experience, then don't. Men are not stupid they know what you're doing. When it doubt, wait.
Don't get me wrong however, there are times when these rules absolutley do not work. It all depends on how grounded and centered you are. You can break every rule in the book as long as you aren't doing it for all the wrong reasons. In my opinon, you don't need rules, you need truth. Just be honest with who you are, and secure enough to make self expression. Be true to yourself and your partner and you will not need rules!
The mythical Mr. Right and the Ridiculous checklist.
I often ponder the question, as I am sure many singles do, "Is there really someone out there for all of us?" The answer: Sure there is, if we just wait for them. I like to think so, however, the person you end up dating or having a lasting relationship is going to be different than you or your expectations.
I used to have a friend, (we'll call her Jane). My friend Jane always had a "perfect man checklist". I like to call this guy the mythical Mr. Right. You know who this guy/girl is. He is the ideal version of the person you wish to date. Of course, no mortal man can hope to compete!
My friend (Jane) had this mental check list of this so-called Mr. Right. He had to be tall, have dark hair, play the guitar, play tennis, paint, the list went on and on. For years Jane remained single, because no man met all of the checklist characteristics. In other words, he was a made-up man in her mind, not a real man in her bed. For years Jane overlooked great guys who were nice, well-rounded, and great boyfriend material. Heck some of them even played tennis/guitar or whatever outlandish qualities she had on "the list."
When it came down to it, Jane was caught in a mythical world in which she thought prince charming was going to come and take her away on a white horse. Of course this prince charming must have dark hair and paint. Jane thought all of these things would make her happy, but turns out none of them did. Finally, one day Jane woke up and realized that this guy may not exist, and in order to discover something truly exciting, she had to burn her perfect man check list. I feel that we have to be willing to let go of what we perceive will make us happy in order to discover something that will in reality make us happy.
I don't think their truly is a "Mr. Right." How do we know what IS truly right for us? Is it possible that every relationship we have--no matter how brief--brings about a new lesson to be learned and a chance for us to grow?
I don't think we can put limitations on who we date, love, or even marry. However, I believe one thing is for certain-- lasting relationships all have one thing in common, and they definitely never involved checklists!
My advice to you is to go ahead and burn your "Mr. Right check-list", now and forever!
I used to have a friend, (we'll call her Jane). My friend Jane always had a "perfect man checklist". I like to call this guy the mythical Mr. Right. You know who this guy/girl is. He is the ideal version of the person you wish to date. Of course, no mortal man can hope to compete!
My friend (Jane) had this mental check list of this so-called Mr. Right. He had to be tall, have dark hair, play the guitar, play tennis, paint, the list went on and on. For years Jane remained single, because no man met all of the checklist characteristics. In other words, he was a made-up man in her mind, not a real man in her bed. For years Jane overlooked great guys who were nice, well-rounded, and great boyfriend material. Heck some of them even played tennis/guitar or whatever outlandish qualities she had on "the list."
When it came down to it, Jane was caught in a mythical world in which she thought prince charming was going to come and take her away on a white horse. Of course this prince charming must have dark hair and paint. Jane thought all of these things would make her happy, but turns out none of them did. Finally, one day Jane woke up and realized that this guy may not exist, and in order to discover something truly exciting, she had to burn her perfect man check list. I feel that we have to be willing to let go of what we perceive will make us happy in order to discover something that will in reality make us happy.
I don't think their truly is a "Mr. Right." How do we know what IS truly right for us? Is it possible that every relationship we have--no matter how brief--brings about a new lesson to be learned and a chance for us to grow?
I don't think we can put limitations on who we date, love, or even marry. However, I believe one thing is for certain-- lasting relationships all have one thing in common, and they definitely never involved checklists!
My advice to you is to go ahead and burn your "Mr. Right check-list", now and forever!
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