The L Word

A few minutes ago, one of my close friends called to tell me her boyfriend had just dropped the "L" word. Excited and surprised, she began to fill me in on this momentous occassion. I was thrilled for her but something inside me made me quiver at the idea. You see, the two have only been dating for one month. I'm not sure if I was a bit skeptical because the statement came too sudden, or if I was jealous of her new romance. Whatever it is, I feel uneasy about this whole proclaimation. Does that mean I, the person who used to believe in love and loved the idea of love has become anti-Cupid?

After five dates in the past two months, I still haven't found anyone who has come close to what i'm looking for. I guess you can say, that I've kind of given up on the idea of this L word. Honestly, it scares the living day lights out of me. I don't want to take anymore chances, and put myself on the line. As bad as this may sound, as soon as my friend told me about her romantic evening, I flash forward to a scene several months down the road. This scene entailed cartons of Ben & Jerry's, a bottle of wine, a day at the spa, and a box of tissues. You know exactly what I'm talking about ladies, it's called a break-up.

Dont get me wrong, I want to believe, and I am surely happy for my friend, but something keeps holding me back from the thing called love.

Branding with your Beau

Being in advertising, the word branding comes up a lot. I like to think of a partnership as creating a brand of your own.. the two of you. A SYNERGY. Synergy being that two things go together no matter how alike or different they may be. Until you can decide how you want to position your own unique brand you can expect to create a brand with your partner.

How many of you have heard of the reverse Ben Franklin checklist? I know I have, may have even done it on a few occasions. This so called checklist allows you to compare your wants/desires in a mate with your current or past partner. Often times a lot of things on your desired list don't add up with your current partner. (Maybe because we got too caught up on what we thought we wanted in a romantic partnership?)

Is it time for you to rewrite your own list for a current or future relationship? Maybe it's time we forget our physical wants but make it more about our feelings. How do you want to feel? Perhaps it's time you make a New Love List. In order to make this new list, first, you may need to figure out what it is that you need in a partnership and create that synergy as I mentioned earlier.

Instead of saying; he's got to be Jim Carey meets Ben Stiller funny, how about: I want us to laugh our butts off when we're together. Or how about not; we have to believe in the same things, try: i want to feel like he truly "gets" me. By doing this new checklist, you'll not only discover what is truly important to you but how the two of you can work together as your own brand as a couple.

Mr Funny, Mr Hotstuff, and Mr Rich just won't cut it unless you're a superficial gold digger who has no sense of ambition or passion for life. Don't try to date a comedian, you'll end up not taking him or the relationship seriously. Don't seek after the tall, dark and handsome, you could overlook the guy of your dreams. And don't wish for a guy with money, but instead a guy with a passion. We want to feel inspired by our partner's drive and aspirations, no matter what their job title.

In the end, it's about what and who makes us happy. It may be time to drop your old lists and figure out how you REALLY feel and what type of person can make you feel not only desired and wanted but can challenge you yet "gets" the true you.

Everyone has a Story..

Several weeks ago, a guy friend of mine and I were out to dinner, and when I say guy friend, I strictly mean guy friend. As we looked around the dimly lite restaurant, we noticed a plethora of people who were sitting by themselves at the bar or either perceived as a third wheels among couples. We began to analyze what these people were doing alone at a bar so near to Christmas, and make up stories as to why they seemed so oddly misplaced. One sharply dressed lady for instance was seated at the far end of the bar nursing her martini. She didn't appear to be meeting someone for cocktails, so what was she doing?

As we picked and poked and tried to decipher these people, we came to the conclusion that we would never know. The moral is, everyone has a story, and so did we. As far as relationships go, he hadn't met the right girl I presumed because he's been single ever since I've known him, which has only been two years. He told me he had trust issues, which I think is a total cop-out I told him, but if that's his story so be it. I have trust issues too, I proclaimed, but that doesn't hold me back from life or love. I've had my heart broken, and broken a few, which I don't say proudly, but I'm not afraid to take a risk. Over the next several days, I began to think about our dinner conversation, and concluded that just maybe, he is right.

Should you be afraid to express your feelings? Should you protect yourself in any relationship? Should you not take a chance and risk a great match? I'm still pondering all of these questions, that came about over a dinner chat with a friend that has issues. As hard as it is for me to say, I think he's right. Maybe someone shouldn't risk it all for love and maybe you should listen to those little instincts you have, because maybe they are indeed right. A hopeless romantic no more, maybe we should all take advice from the opinionated Kanye, and keep our love lockdown. Who knows? All I know is Everyone has a story and this is mine.



but your "story" can only get you so far for so long..

Is every guy like T. Woods?

The Tiger Saga in a Real World.

With the array of famous cheating husbands and boyfriends, can make a real life gal wonder if all guys are in fact... cheaters? I'm not just talking about the most current unfaithful here. Ahem.. Tiger, or other sleazy athletes. What about the real men in our lives? Are they all dogs? A lot of guys may beg to differ instead posing a question such as: aren't all women hoes?, hence Tiger's trail of mistresses. To answer that, I may conclude that yes, these women were merely money hungry bimbos. However, anyone with any logical sense would agree that Tiger was at fault here. Enough about Tiger though, who cares, what about REAL live men. With all this cheating, it can make almost non-existent trust issues become major issues with spouses and boyfriends, or worse become "man-bashers" for life.

During the Pleistocene Age, a debaucher would be killed by his partner's relatives if caught of cheating. If only this type of incentive remained true today, it may end many adulterers.. or not!Why should men have needed this type of ultimatum in order to remain faithful??

Here lies the question, unlike women, men are often said to be able to "compartmentalize" their endeavours. Meaning, this is the woman I love, and this is the tramp I hooked up with at the hotel. So, does this make it okay in their minds for men to cheat in their minds because they feel, "Oh, she's just a one-night-stand, there are no feelings involved." I suppose those same men never thought about the feelings of their wives and girlfriends. And if these same cheating guys ever thought that no one would find out, think again. From my understanding, the feelings of guilt of a cheater remains no matter if their partners find out or not.

So what should we do as women? First, we should choose our significant others smartly. And remember if something seems weird, it may very well be. However, until you have proof, you have to have trust. But remember if you are in fact dealing with a cheater, "If he's fished in another pond before, chances are, he'll get his rod out again." A quote I strongly believe in

What's the Big Deal About Edward Cullen??

Guys, I'm sure you know who Edward Cullen is. If you haven't already seen the movie, New Moon, from the Twilight series and heard your girlfriend or gal pals swoon over this pale skinned bloke, take note. There is a reason the ladies get all giddy over this vampire, and it lies far beyond his captivating good looks, mysterious charm, book smarts, and incredible body.

Long story short, the movie which is based in the Pacific Northwest captures the lives of Bella and Edward. The two have something of a modern day Shakespearean romance, except there's one problem, Edward is a vampire. So what makes this vampire, Edward so alluring you may ask? Well, let's bring it down to human terms.

For one, Edward picks Bella, and let's her know, "she is THE ONE." Let's pretend as though Edward is an actual HUMAN guy. As stated previously, he's smart, attractive, and has money. In other words, he could probably have his pick of many girls throwing themselves at him, but he chooses Bella. He tells her from the get go that he is very interested and feels a strong connection with her (in an unfreaky way).

Secondly, Edward sacrifices a lot for Bella. If you have seen the movie or read the book, then you know that Edward finds Bella's blood the most tempting of any humans blood he has ever encountered. However, he manages to keep his inner desires at bay in order to be with her.. (aka, he sacrifices his own wants/desires for her. ) In case you haven't realized it, girls love it when their guys sacrifice something for them--willingly. (Key word: Willingly.)

Next, the guy has superb manners. If you have read any of my previous blogs, then you will know that old fashioned chivalry never goes out of style, I don't care where you're from. Edward shows this respect to not only Bella, but the people she cares about the most. He opens her doors, makes sure she makes it home safely, and even makes it a point to be proper to her friends and family members.

Lastly, Edward may be a vampire, but he sure doesn't act like one, meaning he is full of surprises. Surprise your girl, do something out of the ordinary to show that you care. Write her a sappy poem, or even cook her breakfast in bed. It's the unexpected surprises that can really spice up your relationship.

So guys, the next time your girl mentions Edward Cullen, not only let her know that you know who this dude is, but show her. ;)

If it walks like a duck..

Do you trust your instincts when it comes to relationships? Red flags can be thrown in the very beginning stages of dating, but often times we fail to or choose to ignore little signals that can help us make a mistake in the end.

When we come to a red light or a stop sign, don't we always stop? Of course we do -well why do some of us continue when major stop signs are thrown at us in the world of dating? Instead we continue head first into what could end up being a fatal heartbreak when if we would have just taken our gut feeling from the beginning into account.

Should you always trust you initial gut feeling? I don't know, but I can tell you this when it comes to friends, dating, and people in general almost always your first impressions are correct. Any other words, if something feels off or the waters are a little shaky, it probably is.

Why do we continue forward on shaky ground? For many people it's that need for a relationship (the I can't be alone syndrome), for others, more so guys, it could be sexual urges (male instinct).

Here's a tip, for guys, if a girl immediately wants to know what your occupation is, she's probably a gold-digger. Sure, she may just want to know how you spend your days or be making casual chit-chat, but 9 times out of 10, if she pops this question as soon as you say, Hi, my name is Charles, chances are... she's a gold digger. Classical conditioning is also a sign of the gold digger. In other words, she only sleeps with you if you've bought her something. I'll be the first to give props to all the girls out there who wait until dinners and an ample amount of dates before sleeping with someone, but those are the girls who have their heads on straight and want to get to know a guy before they have sexual relations. A gold diggers motto is something different.. pay before you can play as I like to call it. Guys, you should be able to decipher between the two from the get go.

Jealousy, control, and unfaithfulness can be recognized from the beginning as well. Demanding to know where you are or who you're with at all times is an instant sign of jealousy. If the person has no reason not to trust you, why must they ask these questions? As far as controlling behavior, if a girl/guy must I even need to tell you these signs?? Ahh, unfaithful people. These characters are vague about their whereabouts, caught in lies, don't answer their phone in front of you, are secretive and manipulative. Come on, if you think something sounds fishy.. guess what, you're probably almost always, 99.9%, right on cue, right?

A tip that will almost always keep you from relationship disaster is the simple phrase,
"If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, then it's probably a duck." Get it?