Do you trust your instincts when it comes to relationships? Red flags can be thrown in the very beginning stages of dating, but often times we fail to or choose to ignore little signals that can help us make a mistake in the end.
When we come to a red light or a stop sign, don't we always stop? Of course we do -well why do some of us continue when major stop signs are thrown at us in the world of dating? Instead we continue head first into what could end up being a fatal heartbreak when if we would have just taken our gut feeling from the beginning into account.
Should you always trust you initial gut feeling? I don't know, but I can tell you this when it comes to friends, dating, and people in general almost always your first impressions are correct. Any other words, if something feels off or the waters are a little shaky, it probably is.
Why do we continue forward on shaky ground? For many people it's that need for a relationship (the I can't be alone syndrome), for others, more so guys, it could be sexual urges (male instinct).
Here's a tip, for guys, if a girl immediately wants to know what your occupation is, she's probably a gold-digger. Sure, she may just want to know how you spend your days or be making casual chit-chat, but 9 times out of 10, if she pops this question as soon as you say, Hi, my name is Charles, chances are... she's a gold digger. Classical conditioning is also a sign of the gold digger. In other words, she only sleeps with you if you've bought her something. I'll be the first to give props to all the girls out there who wait until dinners and an ample amount of dates before sleeping with someone, but those are the girls who have their heads on straight and want to get to know a guy before they have sexual relations. A gold diggers motto is something different.. pay before you can play as I like to call it. Guys, you should be able to decipher between the two from the get go.
Jealousy, control, and unfaithfulness can be recognized from the beginning as well. Demanding to know where you are or who you're with at all times is an instant sign of jealousy. If the person has no reason not to trust you, why must they ask these questions? As far as controlling behavior, if a girl/guy must I even need to tell you these signs?? Ahh, unfaithful people. These characters are vague about their whereabouts, caught in lies, don't answer their phone in front of you, are secretive and manipulative. Come on, if you think something sounds fishy.. guess what, you're probably almost always, 99.9%, right on cue, right?
A tip that will almost always keep you from relationship disaster is the simple phrase,
"If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, then it's probably a duck." Get it?
Monday, October 5, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
The Next Step.
Do you just Know?
Recently, I had a discussion with one of my newly married friends. The topic of, "the next
step came up."
When I say, the next step, I'm referring to that next step in life called marriage. My friend, who we will call Jane, dated her boyfriend whom I will call, Bob for several years, and knew he was "the one". My question is: Was she so certain that Bob was the one, or was it convenient and the next logical step? Her response, "I just knew", but did she?? I feel like Jane had a certain plan set in her mind that went something like this: Graduation, marriage, 9-5 job, kids.- in that order. To some extent I am under the impression that "Bob" fit perfectly into this set plan. Jane is now 27, and she and Bob are expecting their first child, how perfect.
Maybe I'm just jealous because I used to have this plan in my head too, but I quickly learned that life isn't about strategic planning. John Lennon once said, "Life is what happens to you, while you are busy making other plans." Boy, have I found this to be so incredibly true. At 25, I thought I would surely be in love and married by 28 with a picket-fence, golden retriever, etc. Big laugh. What I'm trying to say is, you can't rely on your mental check-list, guidelines, or the next step. In short, what happens, happens, and their isn't a damn thing you can do about it.
As far as marriage goes, I think we can all agree that marriage is based upon a large number of things, and one of those ingredients being timing. Call me crazy, but the idea of "college sweethearts" and marriage sickens me. Let's face it, between the ages of 18-22, you don't know who you are. I think this is a learning process. Someone I know very well dated a guy from the age of 19-23, she knew he was probably going to be "the one". Why?-- because they had dated for so long, and she would graduate soon.. and sadly to say, it was the next step. Low and behold, one day she woke up, and realized this guy definitely was not marriage material, at least not for her. When she broke it down, they shared no common interests, no similar life goals, basically they were like oil and water in the worst way possible. The only thing that had held them together over the years was well, the years, and maybe comfort. Thankfully, she realized it before it was too late.
I, as many people do, want to be absolutely sure- Sure that the person I marry is the one I will grow old with. In other words I don't want to have any doubt in my mind when I walk down that aisle or years later. I don't want to get a divorce, and I don't want my significant other or myself to stray-- no excuses.
One of my close guy friends once told me that he was hesitant to get into any serious relationship that could result in marriage, because he wasn't just quite ready to settle down yet. He's approaching 30, I thought to myself, he should have all of this craziness out of his system . I immediately told him he was a player and thought his excuses were preposterous.
The more I thought about it, I concluded that he may be right. I guess in his mind he feels that he has to be sure that the person he commits to is the right one, because he doesn't want something bad to happen. He also told me that he had his heart broken, which also equaled trust issues on his part that were not so easy to overcome.
I kept digging for answers when he told me something very interesting. Several years earlier when he attended school in small town near VA, he said he let someone go. He told me he casually dated someone for a brief period of time, and thought she could possibly end up with her, but not at that time. He told her to date other people, and hadn't talked to her since. God, what an asshole I thought.
My friend assured me at the time it was the best thing, but now at the age of 30, wishes he could go back. I told him to call her up, and tell her. "Not so easy", he said. I questioned him on his mistake, asking if it was better to in his words: "let someone go" or see if the relationship will grow if he thought she could "be the one." He said he didn't know, adding that then he was afraid of hurting her because he wasn't ready to settle down, but now regrets not trying because maybe they could have made things work. Foolish on his part, selfish, cautious? Maybe all of the above. Whose to know? Marriage in his case, wouldn't be the next step; if he had given it time, could it possibly have been the right step, which was next for his happy ending? Maybe. Do you know how you feel after watching one of those sappy romantic movies when the guy is too late? At this point I felt as if I was living one for my friend, I felt bad for him.
After talking with three different people with three very different outcomes on the subject of marriage, I came to one conclusion. When it comes to marriage, you have to know deep down that you've gotten all that "player" out of your system (for guys at least), you're significant other has to be your friend- a person with your shared interests, and you can't be afraid to "see what happens"- you may regret it later as my friend does. Most importantly, I think you just know when it's right.
Recently, I had a discussion with one of my newly married friends. The topic of, "the next
step came up."
When I say, the next step, I'm referring to that next step in life called marriage. My friend, who we will call Jane, dated her boyfriend whom I will call, Bob for several years, and knew he was "the one". My question is: Was she so certain that Bob was the one, or was it convenient and the next logical step? Her response, "I just knew", but did she?? I feel like Jane had a certain plan set in her mind that went something like this: Graduation, marriage, 9-5 job, kids.- in that order. To some extent I am under the impression that "Bob" fit perfectly into this set plan. Jane is now 27, and she and Bob are expecting their first child, how perfect.
Maybe I'm just jealous because I used to have this plan in my head too, but I quickly learned that life isn't about strategic planning. John Lennon once said, "Life is what happens to you, while you are busy making other plans." Boy, have I found this to be so incredibly true. At 25, I thought I would surely be in love and married by 28 with a picket-fence, golden retriever, etc. Big laugh. What I'm trying to say is, you can't rely on your mental check-list, guidelines, or the next step. In short, what happens, happens, and their isn't a damn thing you can do about it.
As far as marriage goes, I think we can all agree that marriage is based upon a large number of things, and one of those ingredients being timing. Call me crazy, but the idea of "college sweethearts" and marriage sickens me. Let's face it, between the ages of 18-22, you don't know who you are. I think this is a learning process. Someone I know very well dated a guy from the age of 19-23, she knew he was probably going to be "the one". Why?-- because they had dated for so long, and she would graduate soon.. and sadly to say, it was the next step. Low and behold, one day she woke up, and realized this guy definitely was not marriage material, at least not for her. When she broke it down, they shared no common interests, no similar life goals, basically they were like oil and water in the worst way possible. The only thing that had held them together over the years was well, the years, and maybe comfort. Thankfully, she realized it before it was too late.
I, as many people do, want to be absolutely sure- Sure that the person I marry is the one I will grow old with. In other words I don't want to have any doubt in my mind when I walk down that aisle or years later. I don't want to get a divorce, and I don't want my significant other or myself to stray-- no excuses.
One of my close guy friends once told me that he was hesitant to get into any serious relationship that could result in marriage, because he wasn't just quite ready to settle down yet. He's approaching 30, I thought to myself, he should have all of this craziness out of his system . I immediately told him he was a player and thought his excuses were preposterous.
The more I thought about it, I concluded that he may be right. I guess in his mind he feels that he has to be sure that the person he commits to is the right one, because he doesn't want something bad to happen. He also told me that he had his heart broken, which also equaled trust issues on his part that were not so easy to overcome.
I kept digging for answers when he told me something very interesting. Several years earlier when he attended school in small town near VA, he said he let someone go. He told me he casually dated someone for a brief period of time, and thought she could possibly end up with her, but not at that time. He told her to date other people, and hadn't talked to her since. God, what an asshole I thought.
My friend assured me at the time it was the best thing, but now at the age of 30, wishes he could go back. I told him to call her up, and tell her. "Not so easy", he said. I questioned him on his mistake, asking if it was better to in his words: "let someone go" or see if the relationship will grow if he thought she could "be the one." He said he didn't know, adding that then he was afraid of hurting her because he wasn't ready to settle down, but now regrets not trying because maybe they could have made things work. Foolish on his part, selfish, cautious? Maybe all of the above. Whose to know? Marriage in his case, wouldn't be the next step; if he had given it time, could it possibly have been the right step, which was next for his happy ending? Maybe. Do you know how you feel after watching one of those sappy romantic movies when the guy is too late? At this point I felt as if I was living one for my friend, I felt bad for him.
After talking with three different people with three very different outcomes on the subject of marriage, I came to one conclusion. When it comes to marriage, you have to know deep down that you've gotten all that "player" out of your system (for guys at least), you're significant other has to be your friend- a person with your shared interests, and you can't be afraid to "see what happens"- you may regret it later as my friend does. Most importantly, I think you just know when it's right.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Understated and Modestness a thing of the past?
I often find myself wondering why so many woman feel the need to flaunt themselves. Since when did modest dress and understated sexiness become so passe? Being understated doesn't mean dressing as a nun, but having a little self respect.
Tip: No man who is looking for a meaningful relationship wants a woman who dresses as though she just got off work shaking it for the Benjamin's. Would you?? A good guy wants to date someone who has self respect and doesn't feel the need to put themselves on display for every guy in the room.
Ever heard the saying: save something for the imagination? Sure dressing in scantily-clad clothing will attract men, you better believe it--but what kind of man? Who wants a guy who oogled over you at the bar because you had on a dress that looked as though you borrowed it from your 15-year-old sister? More importantly, you shouldn't feel as though you have to dress
in this fashion in order to attract guys. Having your own style and sense of fashion will attract the kind of man you want. Being strong and secure in yourself is what guys look for in women they wish to pursue. Remember: you are an intelligent, intriguingly, and beautiful woman who can attract a man who sees these things in you. And if not, he surely doesn't deserve you.
Tip: No man who is looking for a meaningful relationship wants a woman who dresses as though she just got off work shaking it for the Benjamin's. Would you?? A good guy wants to date someone who has self respect and doesn't feel the need to put themselves on display for every guy in the room.
Ever heard the saying: save something for the imagination? Sure dressing in scantily-clad clothing will attract men, you better believe it--but what kind of man? Who wants a guy who oogled over you at the bar because you had on a dress that looked as though you borrowed it from your 15-year-old sister? More importantly, you shouldn't feel as though you have to dress
in this fashion in order to attract guys. Having your own style and sense of fashion will attract the kind of man you want. Being strong and secure in yourself is what guys look for in women they wish to pursue. Remember: you are an intelligent, intriguingly, and beautiful woman who can attract a man who sees these things in you. And if not, he surely doesn't deserve you.
Monday, February 23, 2009
R.E.S.P.E.C.T
Respect- no relationship can go without it.
Why is it that so many people forget this one important factor when building a relationship? Overlooking this key ingredient may be fine in the beginning, but very soon it will catch up with you.
In any relationship we all want the same thing respect. You want to be with someone who will support you in everything you do and in turn you will support them in that same way. When you appreciate someone, they should not only tell you, but show you. You can tell someone they are great all day long, but until you actually show them, words are useless. Also, if you do not have respect for someone, how can they have respect for you?
Many guys as well as girls often lack this in relationship from the very beginning. Which is one of the many reasons they fell in relationships. Of course no 2 minds think alike, but it's important to realize this, and value others opinions even if it's different from your own. Respect not only means having respect for the other person, but also having respect for yourself. If someone treats you like a jerk, don't be a doormat, respect yourself.
"You should be with someone who treats you well all the time." --no explanation needed here. Have standards, it's the only way to figure out the respect you have for yourself, and make others realize how they should respect you. Showing respect for someone can mean calling when you say you will. This gesture may be quit simple, but it's a small step that leads towards ultimate respect. Remember relationships are about building and growing.
If something upsets you, or you didn't like the way someone behaved, tell them.. no need to let things slide, over time you will just be hurting yourself. Remember, no one is a mind reader, and it's the only way for others to discover your standards. However, common gestures of respect need not be explained. If the person you are with, doesn't know these simple things by now, they are never gonna get it. (You know what common courtesy and respect is).
Lastly, don't make excuses for someone who doesn't treat you with respect. In the long run you are only disrespecting and hurting yourself. The sooner you stop making excuses for your significant other, the better.
Why is it that so many people forget this one important factor when building a relationship? Overlooking this key ingredient may be fine in the beginning, but very soon it will catch up with you.
In any relationship we all want the same thing respect. You want to be with someone who will support you in everything you do and in turn you will support them in that same way. When you appreciate someone, they should not only tell you, but show you. You can tell someone they are great all day long, but until you actually show them, words are useless. Also, if you do not have respect for someone, how can they have respect for you?
Many guys as well as girls often lack this in relationship from the very beginning. Which is one of the many reasons they fell in relationships. Of course no 2 minds think alike, but it's important to realize this, and value others opinions even if it's different from your own. Respect not only means having respect for the other person, but also having respect for yourself. If someone treats you like a jerk, don't be a doormat, respect yourself.
"You should be with someone who treats you well all the time." --no explanation needed here. Have standards, it's the only way to figure out the respect you have for yourself, and make others realize how they should respect you. Showing respect for someone can mean calling when you say you will. This gesture may be quit simple, but it's a small step that leads towards ultimate respect. Remember relationships are about building and growing.
If something upsets you, or you didn't like the way someone behaved, tell them.. no need to let things slide, over time you will just be hurting yourself. Remember, no one is a mind reader, and it's the only way for others to discover your standards. However, common gestures of respect need not be explained. If the person you are with, doesn't know these simple things by now, they are never gonna get it. (You know what common courtesy and respect is).
Lastly, don't make excuses for someone who doesn't treat you with respect. In the long run you are only disrespecting and hurting yourself. The sooner you stop making excuses for your significant other, the better.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Forget your What if's
Turn your what if's into What nows
We all do it, "What if I wouldn't have said that stupid remark", "What if I was still dating ___, how would things be different", "What if I never find the right guy". My advice to you is forget your what-if's and start living in a "what now" world. In relationships or anywhere else for that matter-- you can't go around wondering and worrying what you say is going to make you less appealing to someone. In relationships you have to be yourself. If you can't be who you are, then you might as well forget it.
For example, if you're a funny person, you should be that funny person around your significant other/date. You should not have to pretend to be something you're not (don't be a poser). If you're not being yourself in a relationship, sooner or later, the true you is going to show through, and the other person may or may not like it. You should be as upfront as possible-- be you!! If you're trying to impress someone for all the wrong reasons, you'll end up having to play this little game for as long as the relationship lasts. (and that could be for a long time.) If someone doesn't like the "true you" then you may as well move on, their loss. If the other person genuinely cares for you, they will love the true you.
Another "what if" question that will wreak havoc on your dating life is: "What if I was still with ___, I'll bet things would be good." No, No, No! Guess what, you're not with ___, so stop wondering what life would be like if you were. Turn this thought into "What now". Think positively. Their is a reason you aren't with that person at this moment in time, and it's for the best.
"What if I never find the right guy?" Honey, if you haven't found him by now, you're probably not going to. Totally kidding! Don't worry about being the old lady with all the cats, you won't be. There is someone out there for you (see The Mythical Mr Right). Hey, he could be right in front of you, but you're too worried about what life would be like with ____. Stop it!
By turning you're what if's into what now's you will begin to let go of all the negative energy that surrounds your relationship world. As soon as you do this, you will begin to see things the way they should be seen, in a new and more refreshing light. I urge you to stop wondering the way things could have been and start thinking of the way things are going to be--from here on out.
We all do it, "What if I wouldn't have said that stupid remark", "What if I was still dating ___, how would things be different", "What if I never find the right guy". My advice to you is forget your what-if's and start living in a "what now" world. In relationships or anywhere else for that matter-- you can't go around wondering and worrying what you say is going to make you less appealing to someone. In relationships you have to be yourself. If you can't be who you are, then you might as well forget it.
For example, if you're a funny person, you should be that funny person around your significant other/date. You should not have to pretend to be something you're not (don't be a poser). If you're not being yourself in a relationship, sooner or later, the true you is going to show through, and the other person may or may not like it. You should be as upfront as possible-- be you!! If you're trying to impress someone for all the wrong reasons, you'll end up having to play this little game for as long as the relationship lasts. (and that could be for a long time.) If someone doesn't like the "true you" then you may as well move on, their loss. If the other person genuinely cares for you, they will love the true you.
Another "what if" question that will wreak havoc on your dating life is: "What if I was still with ___, I'll bet things would be good." No, No, No! Guess what, you're not with ___, so stop wondering what life would be like if you were. Turn this thought into "What now". Think positively. Their is a reason you aren't with that person at this moment in time, and it's for the best.
"What if I never find the right guy?" Honey, if you haven't found him by now, you're probably not going to. Totally kidding! Don't worry about being the old lady with all the cats, you won't be. There is someone out there for you (see The Mythical Mr Right). Hey, he could be right in front of you, but you're too worried about what life would be like with ____. Stop it!
By turning you're what if's into what now's you will begin to let go of all the negative energy that surrounds your relationship world. As soon as you do this, you will begin to see things the way they should be seen, in a new and more refreshing light. I urge you to stop wondering the way things could have been and start thinking of the way things are going to be--from here on out.
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Monday, February 9, 2009
What's It Take??
What does it take for a Relationship to Work?
There is no magical formula, secret recipe or specific set of rules to follow in order to have a great relationship. The key ingredient to having a happy and healthy relationship consists of a combination of many things. Honesty, trust, dependability, communication, and humor are all important factors when it comes to maintaining a lasting partnership. And for the most part, I feel these topics are clutch for any lasting partnership. In other words, honesty, trust, dependability, communication and humor are the bricks in the house you two are building of love and trust. And you better believe if you two can't lay this one "stupid brick down, you ain't ever gonna have a house, baby. And it's cold outside."
Honesty--you have to be as upfront as possible with each other even if it means hurting someones feelings. Well, maybe not that far--if your significant other asks, "Does this dress make me look fat", I guess it would be okay to not answer in complete honesty. But yes; honesty, honesty, honesty, can't live without it--it's what makes your house of love a home.
Next comes trust, if you can't trust someone then you shouldn't be with them, simple as that. As soon as your level of trust for another person breaks, then the relationship breaks. Trust not only means trusting in your partner not to cheat on you, but it also means trusting in them to keep even your deepest most darkest secrets. In other words, if you tell your partner something, they should be able to keep it to themselves no matter what.
Dependability--Another key for your healthy relationship. Your partner should be someone who is always there for you. Lasting relationship are built on just this, countability. For example, if your car breaks down on the side of the road at 4am, you want to be damn sure that that your partner will come and get you. It doesn't matter if they are asleep or sick, you need to know that they will be there.
Communication/listening-- If you can't communicate with each other then the relationship is doomed. You have to share with one another your feelings. I don't care if you are an open person or not, communication is key to any relationship. Listening is also important. You can talk all day long, but at the end of the day, you have to be able to sit down and take in everything your partner says. And when I say listen, I mean truly listen. "The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words."
Humor--is the best medicine. You have to be able to laugh and play with each other. You also have to be able to learn to laugh at yourselves and your mistakes. Humor can lighten any mood or any situation. Couples who are able to laugh with each other are the ones who make it.
There is no magical formula, secret recipe or specific set of rules to follow in order to have a great relationship. The key ingredient to having a happy and healthy relationship consists of a combination of many things. Honesty, trust, dependability, communication, and humor are all important factors when it comes to maintaining a lasting partnership. And for the most part, I feel these topics are clutch for any lasting partnership. In other words, honesty, trust, dependability, communication and humor are the bricks in the house you two are building of love and trust. And you better believe if you two can't lay this one "stupid brick down, you ain't ever gonna have a house, baby. And it's cold outside."
Honesty--you have to be as upfront as possible with each other even if it means hurting someones feelings. Well, maybe not that far--if your significant other asks, "Does this dress make me look fat", I guess it would be okay to not answer in complete honesty. But yes; honesty, honesty, honesty, can't live without it--it's what makes your house of love a home.
Next comes trust, if you can't trust someone then you shouldn't be with them, simple as that. As soon as your level of trust for another person breaks, then the relationship breaks. Trust not only means trusting in your partner not to cheat on you, but it also means trusting in them to keep even your deepest most darkest secrets. In other words, if you tell your partner something, they should be able to keep it to themselves no matter what.
Dependability--Another key for your healthy relationship. Your partner should be someone who is always there for you. Lasting relationship are built on just this, countability. For example, if your car breaks down on the side of the road at 4am, you want to be damn sure that that your partner will come and get you. It doesn't matter if they are asleep or sick, you need to know that they will be there.
Communication/listening-- If you can't communicate with each other then the relationship is doomed. You have to share with one another your feelings. I don't care if you are an open person or not, communication is key to any relationship. Listening is also important. You can talk all day long, but at the end of the day, you have to be able to sit down and take in everything your partner says. And when I say listen, I mean truly listen. "The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words."
Humor--is the best medicine. You have to be able to laugh and play with each other. You also have to be able to learn to laugh at yourselves and your mistakes. Humor can lighten any mood or any situation. Couples who are able to laugh with each other are the ones who make it.
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Sunday, February 8, 2009
Valentine's Day for Couples, Singles, and everyone in between.
Advice for those who have been shot by cupid or those who are sitting this one out.
Ahhh Valentine's day, it's that time of year again, if you're a guy, you want to make sure your lady feels the love. Some guys are more romantic than others, I get it, but hey you don't have to be the king of hearts to make her feel special.
First things first, you need to start the day out right. Keep it short and simple. If you're not Mr. Romance, I doubt you'll be sending your lady a love sonnet, but something of that nature could be a nice gesture. Send her a nice text or leave her a note saying something sweet and simple, like: "Hey beautiful, can't wait for tonight" or "Hey hot stuff"
Next, don't tell her what you're doing, the key here is mystery, keep her guessing (on this day)you want to surprise her. However, do tell her you have made plans, so she can have time to dress for the occasion.
As far as plans go, going to dinner or cooking dinner are both appropriate. But don't follow the norms. (do something that fits your personality and tastes). If possible, reenact your very first date. Remember the details of the past, such as the restaurant you went to on your first date. If you're going to cook dinner, don't just throw some crazy meal together, put some thought into it. Candles, wine, a fire, are all excellent backdrops for your dinner. It wouldn't hurt to throw on some light jazz or a little Sinatra as well (whatever music you find romantic).
A trail of rose petals leading to your bedroom is also very magical. Follow this up with a candle lit bedroom and some bubbly. As the champagne is chilling, go in for the kill...
The most important thing to remember here is to do something you both will enjoy. It can be as standard or as extravagant and crazy as you wish. ;)
SINGLES--- being single on Valentine's doesn't have to be that bad. Keep in mind that Valentine's day is a commerical holiday. However if you feel like Valentine's day is on steriods, and you're playing for the other team, here are some tips..
My advice to you is to act like it's any other day. Go out with single friends or
do what you normally would on any other day. If you're a girl however, being single on Valentine's day may be a little more difficult. I wouldn't recommend watching sappy romantic comedies. Make your Valentine's date your single girlfriend. Go to the spa together, or dinner. After dinner, go back and watch funny movies or make a list of all the bad qualities in all the guys you have ever dated (call it man bashing hour). Sharing a laugh over a pint of double fudge ice cream may also help--hey whatever works!
Most importantly, don't worry about it, after all, it's just another day!
Ahhh Valentine's day, it's that time of year again, if you're a guy, you want to make sure your lady feels the love. Some guys are more romantic than others, I get it, but hey you don't have to be the king of hearts to make her feel special.
First things first, you need to start the day out right. Keep it short and simple. If you're not Mr. Romance, I doubt you'll be sending your lady a love sonnet, but something of that nature could be a nice gesture. Send her a nice text or leave her a note saying something sweet and simple, like: "Hey beautiful, can't wait for tonight" or "Hey hot stuff"
Next, don't tell her what you're doing, the key here is mystery, keep her guessing (on this day)you want to surprise her. However, do tell her you have made plans, so she can have time to dress for the occasion.
As far as plans go, going to dinner or cooking dinner are both appropriate. But don't follow the norms. (do something that fits your personality and tastes). If possible, reenact your very first date. Remember the details of the past, such as the restaurant you went to on your first date. If you're going to cook dinner, don't just throw some crazy meal together, put some thought into it. Candles, wine, a fire, are all excellent backdrops for your dinner. It wouldn't hurt to throw on some light jazz or a little Sinatra as well (whatever music you find romantic).
A trail of rose petals leading to your bedroom is also very magical. Follow this up with a candle lit bedroom and some bubbly. As the champagne is chilling, go in for the kill...
The most important thing to remember here is to do something you both will enjoy. It can be as standard or as extravagant and crazy as you wish. ;)
SINGLES--- being single on Valentine's doesn't have to be that bad. Keep in mind that Valentine's day is a commerical holiday. However if you feel like Valentine's day is on steriods, and you're playing for the other team, here are some tips..
My advice to you is to act like it's any other day. Go out with single friends or
do what you normally would on any other day. If you're a girl however, being single on Valentine's day may be a little more difficult. I wouldn't recommend watching sappy romantic comedies. Make your Valentine's date your single girlfriend. Go to the spa together, or dinner. After dinner, go back and watch funny movies or make a list of all the bad qualities in all the guys you have ever dated (call it man bashing hour). Sharing a laugh over a pint of double fudge ice cream may also help--hey whatever works!
Most importantly, don't worry about it, after all, it's just another day!
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