Weeding out the Garden (aka picking the players from the nice guys)

Players (the other species of man)

In my previous post, I mentioned something called a "Dating Garden". In this garden, you need to sort the roses from the weeds/leaves (players and dirtbags). Here it goes..

In my experiences, with guys, many of them are players. Some of them you will notice right off the bat, others will be a little more clever about it. Here are some signs on how to spot this species of man. (notice I said species, bc in my book, this guy is of a totally different class)

First things first. Where did you meet the guy? Because my guess is if you met him in a bar, his player status is a little questionable. Lots of times guys travel with a few friends to bars, thats normal. However, if they aren't watching the game, catching up with old friends from out of town, or having a drink with co-workers to wind down after work/class, girl, you best believe he's at that bar "chasing-ass." You and I both know it, we just want to think that Mr. Swagger was soley put in that bar for us. This is where you're wrong.

Secondly, how does he approach you? Is he shy, is he outspoken? Now I realize that some guys are more talkative than others, however, if he comes on too suave or too strong, watch out. Nice guys want come on like Joe Cool or ask for your number instantly.

Okay, say you didn't meet the guy in a bar, and you're about to go out with him, or have been dating for a brief period --then listen carefully. How romantic he is? I'm a Pisces (aka, the most romantic sign in the zodiac) yet, even I think some things are a touch over board. Girl, if you find that he is more romantic than cupid on steriods, then his player status is suspect. As women we all want our guys to have a little romance running through their veins, but in the beginning Mr. Player will be so gushy, you'll think everyday is Valentine's. (Notice how I said in the beginning, because these guys don't stick around that long.)

Next, he has way too many friends of the opposite sex. The player likes attention, and a lot of it. These "friends" are usually people with whom the player has played but who haven't had the brains to get rid of him or her. (BC he's still probably playing them too) There's nothing wrong with having friends of both sexes, but when a man or a woman has only friends of the opposite sex, it's very odd. You'll notice this off the bat too, his phone will ring constantly, and most likely he'll send the person straight to voicemail. Why? --well, it was probably Jane, Rita, Susan, Kate, or one of his many other women (poor gals).

How does the guy feel about his past relationships? Does he 1- seem cold or uncaring? Most people with a conscience feel bad about hurting someone's feelings. The player on the other hand, has no shame. Of course, the player will profess that he hates hurting others feelings, but his actions will be completely the opposite.

Are you familiar with the song whose lyrics go, "you're hot and you're cold, yes then you're no?" Well, Mr. Player's actions will be just this. One minute he'll tell you you're sooo amazing and you are the perfect girl, the next, he'll disappear for a while, or suggest the two of you should start seeing other people. They want you to be there for them, but they want their freedom, too. And any man who wants to truly be with you, I guarantee you will know it, no questions asked.

On that note, the player will be extremely vague when he starts to "play". He may even lie about what he's doing all together. Note: A player is not an honest person. In fact, lying is almost second nature to them. A good player might have the brains to write everything down and remember all the little lies he has told you. However, a bad one will just forget what he told you the night before they had to go visit a with his high school buddy and when you ask about the friend they tell you that he or she is on vacation.

Lastly, a little note about players. Usually a player becomes a player because of pure insecurity. Are they happy with their life? Are they happy with themselves and the person they are? Have they gotten over their past long-term relationship? If someone is over the age of 30 and has never had a long term relationship, that's a huge red flag. They don't want one. They are happy being single, they have no sympathy for anyones feelings but their own, and they will always be content because they can play the field. Also don't think that players are just men, because they can be women too. These women are just as bad as the male player.